I love this title. Only 5? Really? How do I ever cull the Big 5 from a multitude of mistakes. Ah, well. Here are 5 that stand out to me:
1. I didn't tell The One That Got Away how I felt. I was young and dumb. I should have just said it but fear held me back. Too bad.
2. I didn't study as much as I should of or could of in some undergrad classes. I was too busy growing up to remember that phrase, "one hour in class, three hours of study outside of class." Oops. Too busy playing spades or hearts or whatever.
3. I didn't eat well and exercise while pregnant. Not just once--but four times--I made pregnancy my time to eat somewhat mindfully and avoid the "bad" foods; however, portion control and regular exercise were a laughable pipe dream. My kids were each healthy, pink, fat babies, but my body paid (pays?) the price now. After a bit "baby weight" becomes simply "extra weight." So, no more "baby weight" for me. Did I mention my youngest is 4?
4. I didn't apply for doctoral programs in psychology when I finished my 1st master's degree. I lacked the confidence to send in all of the materials and recommendation letters I gathered.
5. I did not maintain a few important friendships with friends that are single and childless. I want to call these women up, but I refrain. My life is marked by my mom-ness, the kids' schedules, and their never-ending needs. I want to connect with friends that got up "early" at 11 a.m. or are "so busy" getting to their daily spin or yoga class that is held each night during our dinner hour. I really do. But, I understand that my world and their world are very different at this time. Who wants to hear about my kids all of the time anyway? There are some friends that tolerate my Life as It Is Now, but other friendships just didn't make it. I regret that and need to put forth some serious effort to reconnect with these women.
Thanks for reading.
I'm loving these posts! Such a great idea- and all so very honest!
ReplyDeleteThanks, J! It's been interesting, and at times surprising, to write each.
ReplyDeleteI agree! I am loving these posts as well.
ReplyDeleteOh, #1. I have to say that this is where my one regret in life lives. I honestly believe the end result would have been the same, and that's fine. Everything happens for a reason and I'm truly happy now. But I do feel that I could have put forth more effort, to not be afraid, to be more honest with and kind to him. But as they say, it's all water under the bridge.
I am intrigued with #5. For the longest time most of my friends were childless, and now things have changed. I still have many childless friends but the ones who have had children, I'm not as close with anymore. And it's not really about the kids - directly. I have always been the kind to reach out, to make the calls and the plans, to be disappointed when it wasn't the other person to do those things for once. But now (in one specific case) the kids are (it seems to me) an excuse for the behavior they've had all along. They're just not afraid to have an excuse - it's a get-out-of-jail-free card apparently. When we do see them, *everything* is about the kids. And while I like hearing about them, there are certain things I don't need to know, like their diaper habits. I don't tell you my bathroom habits, please don't tell me your kids'. I understand that having kids is an all-consuming event and changes your life in ways you'd never imagine. But does that mean that everything else stops? Also, just because they decided to have kids does not mean it's okay to ask "when" we'll have them (never "if"). I hope (and promise myself) that if I have children I will still be able to discuss other topics as well. Time will only tell, I guess. It's very interesting to me to hear the other side of this, because in my experience, the friends who decide to have kids seem to leave those of us who don't behind, as if there was nothing in common to begin with and the only time when we might reconnect is "when" I decide to have kids of my own.
Keeping posting these posts! =)
@kanalt We have to chat in real time soon! Your points are valid and I now feel as you do about "poop talk." I was guilty of it when my first was little--I regret that now--but babies consume parents in their entirety that first year. We don't mean to lose our individuality and ability to chat about non-baby things. It just happened to me, and I wish now it hadn't.
ReplyDeleteI have to run and take care of Them, but I'll comment more later! xx
I thought a lot about my comment after I sent it. I hope it didn't come off as anti-parent/anti-child, just merely stating my experience with being on the "other side." It's a strange limbo-land, being married with no kids. Most people seem to think it's odd but cool if you're single with no kids. But being married to many people automatically means a child should appear at some point, and you're just "selfish" if that does't happen. And kids may still may be in the future for me; I'm not ruling it out. I'm just not ready to make that decision yet. :)
DeleteNot at all! Your "strange limbo-land" is not strange to me. It is not required in life to be a parent. And to be honest, people that might be most annoyed with you for not reproducing yet might simply be the most envious of your kid snot-poop-crap-toy-etc life. Just sayin'.
DeleteParenthood is the toughest job I'll have, and I had no idea what I was in for, truly, until I was in too deep to get out. Maybe my "poop talk" and loss of individuality at that time (and still a little now)was simply my response to the shell shock that accompanies becoming a mom. Or the fatigue, sense of overwhelm, and/or heightened stress of being Everything to a little one for quite a few years...
We need to share a glass of wine and NOT talk about the kids! xx